MAILBAG

(originally from 11.22.06)

You wouldn’t believe the amounts of fan mail Sports Bloggers get. I’ve just been inundated with letters, emails, girl’s under garments – its’ been mind blowing! If I would have known I’d reach rock star status, I would have started writing this stuff years ago.

It’s totally worth not being able to go to the restroom on-line without being harassed by autograph-seeking sports fans (I now know what it must have been like for Michael Jordan)

Soooooo…thought I might share some of the mail I’ve received over the past week or so. I’ve included some of the best below, along with my responses (in BOLD) to them.

Enjoy! And feel free to keep the correspondences coming….

MAIL BAG:

Soriano to Chicago:

Reader: I’m kinda glad to see the Cubs are serious about winning. Their fans deserve a good team, and last year’s was beyond pathetic. But you’re right, it’s not good news for SD to see another NL team get so stacked.

But… what do they have for pitching, beyond Zambrano?

Maybe this will be the year that Prior and Wood finally live up to expectations.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Dave, Boston

Adam: Yeah, I agree, if any other National League team outside of the Pads deserves some success, it’s definitely the Cubs. They are the new Red Sox. The team with the worst current curse in all of professional sports… which of course started back in 1917 when the Cubbies traded away Babe Ruth to the Yankees for a couple of suitcases of cash (rumored to help finance a musical or an off off off off Broadway play). Oh wait…I have it all mixed up. The curse started in 1958 when some fan married a goat or a 3-legged lamb or something to that effect. I forget. But the point is, the Cubs are going all-out this season and will be stacked. Their line-up is looking powerful! They have one of the best pitchers in the league and…everyone in Chicago is looking forward to seeing how their beloved team will find a way to blow it again this year.

It also has Padres fans scratching their heads, wondering who their own team will sign. Their options are decreasing daily…

Bragging Rights:

Reader: Which conference is the best in the NFK?
Harold, Pt. Loma

Adam: I assume you mean in the NFL Harold? Like the last year and the year before and probably even the year before that (I lose track), the AFC reigns supreme. There are about 10 or 11 teams in the AFC who would be locks for the playoffs in the NFC. The Bears, Panthers and the Giants (when healthy) and maybe Dallas, and Seattle are the only teams who could even COMPETE with the AFC at this point … I don’t think New Orleans could, and Atlanta isn’t a lock for their own conference…or division for that matter. So the AFC is still the better of the two. But the NFC would still be the odds on favorite to walk away with the BCS Championship.

Go to Vegas with these Predictions:

Reader: I know it’s still early in the season and things can change a lot, but if you had to pick now, who would be your predictions for the playoffs? And who do you think will play in the NFC/AFC Championship games? Who will advance to the Super Bowl?

Jasmin, San Diego

Adam: Wow—that’s a lot of questions – you threw multiple questions into one letter. That’s cheating. Okay, nevertheless, let me try and answer this…

NFC – Chicago, Seattle, NY Giants, New Orleans, Carolina, Dallas
Sorry Atlanta – you’re good enough, but chronically inconsistent.

AFC – Indianapolis, San Diego, Baltimore, Denver, New England, Jacksonville.

Sorry Jets, Steelers, Cincinnati and most of all, KC. KC will go down to the wire with Jacksonville for the last spot. The Jets will compete but fall about 2 games shy. The Bengals have the potential to turn things around, but face a very uphill battle and a tough schedule.

Well since we don’t know the playoff seedings yet…I will pick the four teams (two in each conference) who I think are the best at this juncture.

NFC: Bears and Carolina.

I think the Panthers will turn it on in the “consistency” department. Their defense is strong. Steve smith makes them dangerous offensively. They have a veteran QB and a running game that could be dangerous with rookie Denagelo Williams taking hand-offs out of the backfield.

But, Chicago, despite Rex Grossman, has been the class of the conference thus far. They are winning even when they don’t play well enough to do so…and they consistently dominate the lines of scrimmage. Above all, they seem to have aura of DESTINY radiating from them.

Two weeks ago, I thought the Giants were the top team in the NFC, but injuries have changed that. If they can get healthy quickly, they will still be a threat. But some key players (Arrington, Toomer, Petigout) are out for the year. And of course, Seattle is still lurking…so they could be nasty come playoff-time).

AFC: San Diego and Indianapolis.

…Though both Denver and New England could knock off Indy. I’m not sold on the Ravens. Does Jacksonville have enough offensive firepower? Probably not. And like I’ve said before, the Chargers (when healthy) are the most balanced team in the league—capable of taking a game over on either side of the ball. I think baring injury or more off the field incidents, they will be tough to beat. Really tough to beat.

Super Bowl: Bears vs Chargers.

The Chargers just might be the best offensive squad we’ve seen in a few years now – they have so many weapons! (Including the best punter in football – helping San Diego pin opponents consistently inside the 20) They do have some weaknesses, but they are deep, potent and hungry. I think the defense will be extra juiced (no pun intended) when Merrimen comes back. I think he will be on a mission.

The Bears will have homefield advantage throughout the playoffs and will be tough to beat in December. I do think they are beatable though…and think SD is a team that can top them.

Got a Quarter for the dryer?:

Reader: The most amazing thing about last [week’s] win was that the Chargers pulled it off despite Denver’s secret plan to steal LT’s pants, dry them on high until they shrunk 3 sizes, then place back into his locker. All night, LT’s plumber’s crack would show up every time he got tackled. He was constantly pulling and tugging on his waistband. Stuff was flopping out all over the place! Despite all the readjusting, he couldn’t keep himself inside his pants!

Now, normally I’m not ass-watching during Football Night in America, but I did happen to catch the game with a bunch of women. And we just happened to have TIVO. So I got to see LT’s crack way more than I wanted to. Over and over again. In slo-mo. But at least I didn’t have to see Jake Plummer’s Plumber’s Crack! If this turns into a season of destiny for the Chargers, we will look back on yesterday’s game — The Great Denver Laundry Scandal of 06 — as the critical turning point.

From Fenathon, Hillcrest

Adam: heh heh — nicely put. I have nothing more to add to make this email any funnier. I like how you mentioned you watched the game with a bunch of “women” though. Yeah sure, nice touch Mister HILLCREST

Thank you:

Reader: Your blog is amazing. Absolutely, without a doubt, the most witty, intelligent piece of journalism I have ever read. I look forward to reading your clever thoughts every morning. To be honest, I usually enjoy the time I spend reading what you write so incredibly much that I re-read the blog later on in the evening too. Sometimes I forget a couple of the details…so it’s like reading it for the first time all over again. I think your sports blog should be required reading for all high school English and P.E. students…right along with selected works of Shakespeare and Tom Sawyer. Keep up the great work! You are an inspiration!

Adam to himself, San Diego

Adam: That might be the finest, most articulate email I have ever received. Thank you very much for your fair, unbiased and yet insightful commentary. I can tell by your words, that you are not only highly intelligent, and very knowledgeable about sports, but also a chick magnet. Probably extremely good-looking and very wealthy to boot. Thank you for blessing me with your readership. I am nobody without you…and that is the truth.